Saturday, May 4, 2013

My Final Thoughts on Big Brother Canada

I'd like to offer my thoughts on Big Brother Canada for my scores and scores of loyal fans. ;)

But, After the events of the finale there's no way I can't start with what happened with Topaz. firstly, I'd like to deliver some prepared remarks and then I'll get into a bit more off the cuff stuff.

Firstly, my prepared statement.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA AHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD YOU STUPID BITCH! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH AND PEOPLE CALL TALLA DUMB! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY FUCK YOU JUST COST YOUR BEST FRIEND ABOUT $150,000.00!!! BAHAHAAHAHHAHA OH MY GOD I DAMN NEAR WET MYSELF! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH! WAIT I JJ.J.J.J.J.J.JJJ.J.J.J.JJUST DID! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YEAH! JUSTICE! FUCK GLITTER! FUCK BITTER PETER AND ALEC WHO CLAIM TO BE DAN FANS AND THEN EXHIBIT THE WORST CASE OF BITTER JURY SYNDROME EVER! FUCK A.J. FOR VOTING FOR THAT MORON, BUT MOST OF ALL FUCK PRODUCTION FOR RIGGING THE GAME FOR GARY AND THEN HAVING IT FUCKED OVER BY SOME TWO-BIT SCARLEM SKANK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA!!!111ONEELEVEN THE LOOK ON THAT WHALE SUZETTE'S FACE WHEN GARY WAS GETTING SCREWED WAS PRICELESS!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Now that concludes my prepared remarks. To say I was happy about what happened to Topaz would be the understatement of the century. The only thing that would have made it better is if it had been someone I liked better who won. I liked Jillian for a while but then she said stupid shit like "Anything boys can do girls can do better" Which of course isn't true as men are far superior. ;) and her asinine Garyesque celebration after winning the chicken coop HoH was childish. Plus she was a fuckin space cadet who Emmett had to constantly reign in so she should give half of the $50k to him. That girl is lucky she has looks.

Anyway it sucked that the person who played the best game went out in the worst possible position. Emmett goin out third is second in the injustices of Big Brother Canada to only Gary being allowed back in. (Or on the show at all) Emmett played a fuckin solid game and him losing is a sign the format of Big Brother needs to be changed. I'd love to see a version of BB where no one gets evicted. I dunno how it would work, maybe some sort of points system and players have to put points they've accumulated on the line and that would lend to treachery but imagine how much more drama there would be if all 15 houseguests were stuck in the same house together for that long. Either way the jury system has to go, because it helps discourage one of the most entertaining aspects of Big Brother, the glorious backstab.



I'm really disappointed in Peter. Not so much Alec because I knew he was a dick since the whole Tom thing went down. But Peter professed to be a Dan disciple and then tries to get an undeserving Gary to win because of bitter Jury syndrome which is how Dan lost BB14. I think Peter is entertaining but he's also a hypocrite. I'm also really disappointed in AJ for voting for that idiot Gary, ok vote for the guy who is the biggest ally of the bitch who evicted you. That's brilliant dumbass...

Finally on the finale here are some screenshots for those morons out there who think someone switched the keycards on Topaz.







The first picture is an unmodified screenshot.

The 2nd and third are rotated and zoomed with the 3rd being also brightened.

In the 4th I traced out Jillian and Gary's names for anyone who can't make them out.

The 5th is the dagger wherein Topaz reaches for and selects the left keycard, Jillian's.
Sorry folks, she was just plain stupid. But what would one suspect from someone who was so closely aligned with Gary...

That's all I have to say on the finale, other than DAAAAAAAAAAAMN Liza looked fine... I'm talkin F-I-N-E! That girl got a body I'd love to take a lifetime to get to know. Mmm mmm mmm. Tom, you're a lucky lucky man and I'm SUPER fuckin jealous. :D

Anyway, on to my thoughts on Big Brother Canada overall. For me it's a huge disappointment, basically production was handed a golden goose. They then proceeded to accidentally slaughter the goose, shit on it AND themselves, trip over it's carcass and then mistakenly punch themselves in the balls on the way down, falling into their own shit.

That about sum it up? Yeah, I think so. Here was a team that was given a cash cow and somehow fucked it up. Oh was it a commercial success? Sure? I mean all those fuckin moron Gary fans out there kept it that way. But it wasn't Big Brother, It was little mentally challenged brother.

Robin Kass gave these idiots a near perfect cast (Gary and Suzette being the only mistakes) and they fucked it up. WAAAAAAAY too many twists, the twists themselves sucked and were patently unfair. Then toward the end they bring Gary back in and do all they can to make sure he wins, only being foiled by Topaz's stupidity. People have said to me since the finale "See, you were wrong, it wasn't rigged for Gary!" All I can think to do is look at them like they have no head. Because clearly there's nothing inside there.

I truly enjoyed Big Brother Canada completely up until the first PowerShit. That was when I realized I was dealing with a production crew who didn't give a fuck about the game and didn't know what they were doing. Also, does anyone else find it suspicious that the 2 fan interactions that directly influenced the game were timed perfectly so they fucked over the least popular houseguest (Tom) and helped the most popular (although I don't know why) houseguest (Gary) ??? Is it just me that find that timing a little suspicious? Production can talk all they want about how they plan out the game in advance, but I ain't buyin what they're selling. This was season 1, we had a production crew who desperately wanted to make the show a success so they could make more money off it, you do the math.

After that I continued to watch because I had become emotionally invested, but I knew I was watching a show that wasn't on the up and up. As many of you know Big Brother Canada was my first introduction to Big Brother. I started watching because a guy I worked at the same place with (Andrew) got on the show. To say I'm disappointed that this heavy handed garbage is my introduction to the Big Brother Universe would be an understatement, but I guess to look at it positively there's nowhere to go but up right? I am looking forward to BB15 to see how a REAL production team runs the show, I'm hopin it will be all fresh meat as opposed to past players, but hey after BBCan I'll takes whats I's cans gets.

I think for me short of them putting Gary back in the game my lowpoint would be how they completely screwed Topaz's game. And you know they screwed it bad when I'M defending TOPAZ, seeing as I can't stand her skank ass and all. Other lowlights included Gary's celebrating after he won HoH, Jillian's celebration after she won the chicken coop HoH, Emmett going out in the worst possible slot, and at the time AJ getting evicted although seeing he was in on Peter and Alec's moronic Anyone but Jillian campaign I recant that. Oh and the constant feed cuts and the fact there were 4 feeds but 2 of them showed 1 scene while the other 2 showed another... Why not just have 2?

The highpoint of the season for me would definitely be Andrew's twin brother Pete coming into the house while Andrew was frozen. It was a heart warming moment and proof positive that even with such a shitty production crew even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. Other highlights include Gary going on slop and crying like the spoiled brat he is, Aneal spreading out Gary's glitter in an effort to bring heat on him, Dan coming into the house, the Tom and Liza show, Tom's Life, The 5 minute midnight dance party (Oh my God, watch the video of that and focus on Liza. God damn that girl can move, I was mesmerized, not to mention Andrew's dancing which was hilariously awesome) Oh, and last but not least my getting to interview THE MAN, THE LEGEND Tom Plant.

I also really enjoyed doing the BBCan on Facebook cartoons and will be bringing them back for BB15, though I think I might limit them to once a week with a few bonus ones strewn here and there because they are a lot of work.

All in all it was a season that could have been so much better if it had been run by a barely capable production staff, I have to give credit to the set builders though, they did amazing work and the house was beautiful and far better than this production staff deserved.

Anyway, I'll probably be on hiatus until BB15 starts to ramp up unless I can somehow convince Liza to marry me and tom to be my best man. Probably not gonna happen. ;)

Peace out, TO THE MAX YO!

No comments:

Rate This Post